Fanart of Travis Phelps from Sally Face, writing in a journal

Welcome to my diary. Be warned that nothing here is accompanied by a trigger warning. It is the unfiltered talking space of someone who, in a word, "is fucked up". This isn't a happy or relaxing page! Proceed only if your curiosity outweighs any discomfort with dark topics.

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Lyric of the Day: Celebrate the rejects / Eviscerate the presets / Power is the thesis / Crimson on my lips, when I smile, I'm a T-rex


A few things have happened since I last wrote.

First of all, I got into a fight with my dad, and I don't even remember what it was about at this point, but I snapped at him when he tried to put his hands on my food. We ended up arguing until he told me to get out of the house, and go and live on the streets. I was like, "Okay," and I went to start to go. Once I was at the door, he asked what I was doing, and once I told him that I had an actual plan for this situation (calling up my friends to let him know what's up so he can pick me up), he demanded I go to my room instead, or else he'd 'smack the shit out of me'. It was genuinely kind of pathetic. The moment he realized that I actually had a plan for being kicked out (being threatened with that twice before and being traumatized by it will do that to you), rather than just falling to my knees and begging for forgiveness out of fear, he just resorted to threatening physical violence. It made me realize how much his "parenting style" relied on fear. And it sort of made me lose a lot of respect for him.

After that, Mom made me have a talk with her and Dad. He ended up apologizing, which Mom was like, "That's rare to get out of him." Which I should be more concerned with, but, frankly, I'm just grateful for an apology. And he also said that he's seen how hard I've been working lately, and that it doesn't go unnoticed. Maybe I'm just so deprived of praise that I'll forgive anything with a little bit of it. But it ended with me agreeing to do the dishes and help around the house more.

That came around to bite me once plastic got burnt in the dishwater. That shit smelled BAD. Mom asked me to empty the dishwasher of the load that was with the burnt plastic, and I tried to tell her that I have a very sensitive nose, and instead tried to offer to do half of it, and she do the other half. She was straight-up just like, "No. You do all of it, actually." So I did, because I DID promise to do more housework, but Jesus. All of our silverware smells like burnt plastic, now, and it's fucking with my meals (since smell is linked closely to taste). I'm trying to eat with plasticware whenever I can lately, until the smell goes away.

In the meantime, my brother decided to do some drugs! Weed and mushrooms, to be exact! Which, to be fair, he's an adult, I guess, and that's normal for teens to do... But also, it's, like, super-illegal in our state. And also, my mom and dad are insane and think that all drugs are the devil, so. I was really worried when I found out, especially since my mom said he was doing weed and 'something else'. I was also worried because my mom found out the same night that he had his friends over, so I was worried that he was getting it from his friends. I was worried that my dad would turn him in to the police as a "lesson" (exactly the type of shit he would do), etc...

It seems to have worked itself out, though. I haven't directly asked for an update, but he's still in the house, and my mom let me know the other day that he's SUPER embarrassed about it all. (Plus, even if he got turned in for it, we're white, which gives him a TON of privilege for drug convictions, which is something to be thankful for.)

I also watched Nimona!! I cried. A lot. It was a trans / queer story, from head to toe. It's able to discuss bigotry and its effects in-depth, via allegory, but it also takes place in a world where queer people are accepted, as we see via Ballister and Ambrosius' relationship. It's the perfect love letter to the queer community, especially in the midst of the trans panic taking place; an excellent balance of queer pain and queer joy.

And regarding queer pain... The Supreme Court ruled it legal to discriminate based off of sexual orientation. In a case where someone made up a scenario in her head where she would be asked to create a website for a gay wedding (when she hasn't even been asked to make a straight wedding website; this literally was not happening to her, I must stress), the court ruled in favor of the woman refusing to do so. Religious companies may now legally discriminate against queer people and refuse to provide them services.

(I cannot help but notice that the "LGB without the T" people are awfully quiet on this one. It's almost like they want to come for all of us, like we've been saying this whole time.)

All of this happened on the last day of pride month. By the way.

And regarding pride: I said in an earlier entry that I was looking forward to rainbow capitalism this year. Well... That didn't happen. And that's not something to celebrate. Not because I like rainbow capitalism (I really, really don't), but because this is a canary in a coal mine. Corporate pride is sort of a way of measuring the current level of acceptance of the queer community. Corporations aren't stopping their rainbow capitalism bullshit because being queer isn't seen as a big deal or something. They're steering clear of pride because showing acceptance to the queer community now comes with a lot more risk. Look at what happened with Target's pride merch, with Bud Light, this year.

Corporations support queer people when it is easy. When they stop showing support for the queer community, that is a sign that things have gotten fucking dire.


Lyric of the Day: I'll be a teenage girl forever / I'll never get my shit together / In my sixties, still feeling sixteen / 'Cause her pain is my pain, I'll carry her with me


Ohh boy. ArtFight... Sure is going!

Well, to be fair, that makes it sound like everything is bad. It's not! I'm going to beat my goal attack number (my goal was 15, and I'm working on my 15th attack, which is one attack for every 2 days)! And per usual, I've had a lot of fun! But this was also the year that the founder and owner of ArtFight got exposed for pocketing and living off the money that was supposed to be going to site maintenance, sooo...

A couple of weeks ago, I got a weird foot injury. I might've pulled something? It went away on its own, so that's good, and I'm fine now! I did have to rest in bed with my foot elevated for a while, though. I also got reaaaal sick from eating cotton candy when I went to see the Barbie movie (cried twice), but, again, I'm better now! I also watched Sonic Prime, which I REALLY enjoyed. (Like, REALLY! All of the characters are comforts, and it was so FUN and well-done, ugh!)

The dishwasher is also currently having some issues. A couple weeks ago, my mom managed to burn plastic in it. (All of our dishes smell like it! Eugh! I'm trying to use plasticware...) And then, recently, when I asked if the dishwasher was good to use, my mom said it smelled like burnt wood now, because she burnt wood in there. How did she manage to do that two times in such a short span??

The ice-cream Splatfest concluded (with me getting the highest rank, per usual), and a new one was just announced!! Which is crazy, because I feel like the last Splatfest JUST ended. It's the third annual love vs money (now vs fame) Splatfest, and I'm excited to go all out for team love!!

Also in recent news, I participated in a coding jam! It was a week to code a page about something important to us. I coded a page about Bridget from Guilty Gear! And then, only a few days after I finished it, her Nendroid pre-orders opened!!! Of course I ordered one. I'm so excited!!

My brother got his ears pierced also! When he came into my room to show me, I didn't have my glasses on, so I couldn't see him. Once I got them on, though, I saw it immediately! He said that I was the first person he showed because he knows I'm very accepting. He joked, "Mom will say something like, 'It looks a little gay, but whatever makes you happy!'" I joked back that if I ever said something looked gay, it was a compliment. But that made me really happy!

Later today, Good Omens season 2 is releasing!! I'M SO EXCITEEEED! I saw a leak about a possible kiss??? I'm trying so hard to keep my expectations low... BUT DAMMIT I'm excited!! FINALLY, I'M the fan who's being served when fanservice is given!!! (Never mind that Crowley and Az have been confirmed romantic for a long while now, but people like to ignore that for some reason.)