Fanart of Travis Phelps from Sally Face, writing in a journal

Welcome to my diary. Be warned that nothing here is accompanied by a trigger warning. It is the unfiltered talking space of someone who, in a word, "is fucked up". This isn't a happy or relaxing page! Proceed only if your curiosity outweighs any discomfort with dark topics.

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Lyric of the Day: Jealous, jealous, jealous girl / If I can't have you, baby, no one else in this world can! (Bring ya baby down, down, go cheerleader)


Christmas Eve is tomorrow! As per usual, I'm a little anxious around Christmas time, due to religious affiliations. I accidentally said this around my mom, and, when I tried to very, very gently explain my religious trauma, she began crying and said stuff about how I may have been traumatized by how she raised me, but SHE'S also been hurt by ME! Which doesn't feel like a fair comparison. Given that I am her child and she is my parent. And I was, like, 13 at the time when I came out and got traumatized. But whatever. We're both equally at fault, despite one of us having a power position over the other, I guess.

Before winter break started (which I am enjoying very much), I took my finals! I apparently got a 75 on them, which I'm very happy with. I ended biology on a 63%, which is better than I thought it would be. I'll need to get a grade of 77% next time I take it to pass, per my understanding... But that's doable, especially considering that most of the problems I had with my grade stemmed from me not knowing certain assignments weren't optional.

During winter break, I've done a few things! I've watched Mamma Mia for the first time, and loved it, and watched I'm In Love With the Villainess, and loved that, too. I've also been hanging out on call with two mutual friends of Verdant's, who I'd also been mutuals with on tumblr for a very long time, Zelda and Luma! They're both really sweet and very much on Verdant and I's wavelength. I have so much fun calling with them! I introduced them to The MILGRAM Project, and right now, we're doing what I've nicknamed "the world's worst book club", where we read a few chapters of Colleen Hoover's "November 9" every Tuesday. It's SO awful, but it's so fun to read it with them and poke fun at how bad it is. I am shaking in my BOOTS with excitement for when we get to the plot twist!!

I also finally played the Pokemon Scarlet and Violet DLC, and I am quite abnormal over Kieran. Definitely a kintype. I was really happy that there was no "Kieran was possessed by the Lousy Three" twist, and that his emotions really were THAT intense, because I don't think we've had a character with that sort of character trait before. His character arc of "a nice rival goes on their Joker arc because the MC fucked up with them so bad" is also a VERY creative one for Pokemon, and not one that I've seen before! I intensely see a lot of my own BPD traits in him, and it's rare for a BPD-coded character to not end their story vilified. Plus, HE'S BISEXUAL!! The closest thing to a canon queer main character that we've ever had in Pokemon!!! (A BPD-coded bisexual in Pokemon… Literal Azure-bait.)

Scarlet and Violet are such good games, in terms of how much fun they are to play, and the story! I just wish they didn't look and run like absolute garbage...

But basically, all of this has helped me feel better over this Christmas season. I watched Clause again the other night (with Verdant and Metagala (the nickname I have for Zelda and Luma as a pair, because they kin Meta Knight and Galacta Knight)), and that movie always puts me in a nice Christmas-like mood, without any religious imagery.

Tomorrow, I'm going to Papa's house to celebrate. I like it whenever my family gets essentially two Christmases; one hosted at my mom's parent's home, and one at our home. Plus, the celebration at Papa's always has such good sweets!

It's going to feel... Odd. Without Mimi there. I don't really remember if I noticed it very much last Christmas, but still. My mom has taken up Mimi's tradition of decorating the home with her Christmas stuff, at least, so I can feel her presence in that way.